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The Community of Orteil Mauvais has recently had a civil war. Opponents of the current government have fled to The Rogue Nation of The Mauvain Survivors. More on this to come soon.
The cavies of Cavy Cove can be quite voracious. We recently reconsidered legislation regarding vicious cavies and how to deal with them.
Our poet laureate recently wrote the following verse, regarding a cyclist who encountered a pack of cavies:
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A ride in the woods in the dark of the moon Was no challenge or so it was said So I mounted my bike and I turned on my lights And away in the evening I sped.
Slicker than owl snot my drive train did run As I reached the first tulgey glade Completely at ease I passed under the trees Breathing deeply and yet unafraid.
A sudden light clicking then came to my ear And I wondered if it was the bike The volume and frequency seemed to increase And something just didn't seem right.
My crankset? My pedals? Perhaps the rear wheel? But my spokes were stress relieved I'd checked all the torques and examined the forks No fault could be conceived.
But then I remembered the horrible cavies That run in the woods at night More cunning than weasels and faster than bats My blood ran cold with fright.
My mirror was useless, it bounced up and down I carefully looked to the back Not one running there in the LED glare, not one But the whole freaking pack!
I knew in an instant the danger I faced For the cavies of the Cove are unreal Like furry piranha that scamper like rats They wanted my brand new wheel!
I knew in the morning they'd find my bones spread out by the side of the trail If I couldn't pull off a quick finesse I had to deliver the mail.
I spun and I sweated and pulled a huge gear In the face of imminent death The grade was intense and my terror immense I smelt their lettuce-y breath!
Just then I remembered that in my valise Which I'd strapped to the top of my bars I had carrots and celery and Gatorade And a couple of candy bars.
I unzipped the bag and flung out the tools Which only impeded my hand An anvil, a tow chain, a hacksaw and such And a brand new truing stand.
I hated like fury to throw out that stand But I needed to get to the food I whipped out the veggies and tossed them back It halted that Hell spawned brood.
I sat at the top of the hill and wheezed As the cavies filled up their guts I'll never again take a ride on that trail No ifs, no maybes, no buts.
The Community of Orteil Mauvais has recently had a civil war. Opponents of the current government have fled to The Rogue Nation of The Mauvain Survivors. More on this to come soon.
The cavies of Cavy Cove can be quite voracious. We recently reconsidered legislation regarding vicious cavies and how to deal with them.
Our poet laureate recently wrote the following verse, regarding a cyclist who encountered a pack of cavies:
---
A ride in the woods in the dark of the moon Was no challenge or so it was said So I mounted my bike and I turned on my lights And away in the evening I sped.
Slicker than owl snot my drive train did run As I reached the first tulgey glade Completely at ease I passed under the trees Breathing deeply and yet unafraid.
A sudden light clicking then came to my ear And I wondered if it was the bike The volume and frequency seemed to increase And something just didn't seem right.
My crankset? My pedals? Perhaps the rear wheel? But my spokes were stress relieved I'd checked all the torques and examined the forks No fault could be conceived.
But then I remembered the horrible cavies That run in the woods at night More cunning than weasels and faster than bats My blood ran cold with fright.
My mirror was useless, it bounced up and down I carefully looked to the back Not one running there in the LED glare, not one But the whole freaking pack!
I knew in an instant the danger I faced For the cavies of the Cove are unreal Like furry piranha that scamper like rats They wanted my brand new wheel!
I knew in the morning they'd find my bones spread out by the side of the trail If I couldn't pull off a quick finesse I had to deliver the mail.
I spun and I sweated and pulled a huge gear In the face of imminent death The grade was intense and my terror immense I smelt their lettuce-y breath!
Just then I remembered that in my valise Which I'd strapped to the top of my bars I had carrots and celery and Gatorade And a couple of candy bars.
I unzipped the bag and flung out the tools Which only impeded my hand An anvil, a tow chain, a hacksaw and such And a brand new truing stand.
I hated like fury to throw out that stand But I needed to get to the food I whipped out the veggies and tossed them back It halted that Hell spawned brood.
I sat at the top of the hill and wheezed As the cavies filled up their guts I'll never again take a ride on that trail No ifs, no maybes, no buts.
posted by Cascadian_Patriot at 7:25 AM
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